working hard to be bruised
well, our cheeze friend is on vacation and i've been given the blog reins...a lot of stuff i write late at night then read it a day or two later & disagree with most of it...here's an example:
i usually don't like church & usually when i'm there i work with youth so i don't expect to get much out of it...in fact, the most impacting times i've spent in church have not come from the challenge of a screaming preacher, but instead from small things that signify the spaces where divinity intersects with my real life.
and then about every 6 months or so, there comes the rejuvenation - when i stop and try to devise another method on how become a more devoted christian...and this new idea's a pretty good one!! i'm certainly not a trained theologian & my 1 year as a student of the bible department of huntington college isn't worth a dime (it did however cost me several thousand dimes...several). this is simply more of my diary philosophy on how to survive life. it's nothing revolutionary, but here's my recent approach on how to cope with being on earth...
last night the large african-american man who was challenging the youth group made a small comment about how we often desperately seek god because we want to be rescued from whatever's getting us down. his quick point was that we should seek god "the rest of the way" instead of carrying along on our own after we get what we want from god. i'm as guilty as anybody...my knees only get sore after the rest of me has been sore for some time. then everything's fine and smooth until about 6 months later when i realize that i've forgotten my previous plan to love god more & i'm then forced to develop a new concept of what it means for me to love god.
i'm not even sure how to tell if i truly love god. sure, i "think" i do. one pastor friend says my time spent in missions and in guiding others proves my love for god; however, i think that simply proves god's love for others through me. either way, point is this...i'm not convinced & nothing's gonna have purpose and meaning until i'm convinced. i don't really doubt that i love him...i'm simply trying to find a way to explain to myself WHY i love him...ideally in a way that doesn't seem selfish on the surface. but i'll spare you that conversation for now and i welcome your discussion on it for a future journal entry
the topic at hand...if we "love" and rely on christ only at the times when we desperately need something from him, one goal could be to widen our "need" - not just needing him to pull me through this particular situation...but needing him to pull me through LIFE. this way i'm intentionally making myself even more broken so that i can be needy for his aid. imagine that, selfishly creating our own brokenness so that we’ve ever-increasing reasons to desire the presence of god in our lives. i call it – working hard to be bruised.
please consult your pastor before starting any spiritual diet...better yet, consult your bible...better yet, consult god.
press on!
i usually don't like church & usually when i'm there i work with youth so i don't expect to get much out of it...in fact, the most impacting times i've spent in church have not come from the challenge of a screaming preacher, but instead from small things that signify the spaces where divinity intersects with my real life.
and then about every 6 months or so, there comes the rejuvenation - when i stop and try to devise another method on how become a more devoted christian...and this new idea's a pretty good one!! i'm certainly not a trained theologian & my 1 year as a student of the bible department of huntington college isn't worth a dime (it did however cost me several thousand dimes...several). this is simply more of my diary philosophy on how to survive life. it's nothing revolutionary, but here's my recent approach on how to cope with being on earth...
last night the large african-american man who was challenging the youth group made a small comment about how we often desperately seek god because we want to be rescued from whatever's getting us down. his quick point was that we should seek god "the rest of the way" instead of carrying along on our own after we get what we want from god. i'm as guilty as anybody...my knees only get sore after the rest of me has been sore for some time. then everything's fine and smooth until about 6 months later when i realize that i've forgotten my previous plan to love god more & i'm then forced to develop a new concept of what it means for me to love god.
i'm not even sure how to tell if i truly love god. sure, i "think" i do. one pastor friend says my time spent in missions and in guiding others proves my love for god; however, i think that simply proves god's love for others through me. either way, point is this...i'm not convinced & nothing's gonna have purpose and meaning until i'm convinced. i don't really doubt that i love him...i'm simply trying to find a way to explain to myself WHY i love him...ideally in a way that doesn't seem selfish on the surface. but i'll spare you that conversation for now and i welcome your discussion on it for a future journal entry
the topic at hand...if we "love" and rely on christ only at the times when we desperately need something from him, one goal could be to widen our "need" - not just needing him to pull me through this particular situation...but needing him to pull me through LIFE. this way i'm intentionally making myself even more broken so that i can be needy for his aid. imagine that, selfishly creating our own brokenness so that we’ve ever-increasing reasons to desire the presence of god in our lives. i call it – working hard to be bruised.
please consult your pastor before starting any spiritual diet...better yet, consult your bible...better yet, consult god.
press on!
posted by Brandon Pfeiffer at 12:25 PM
1 comments
